Until recently, sibling abuse has been overlooked as a major problem, especially compared to other forms of childhood abuse. The good news is that there has been a growing interest in this extremely damaging form of abuse. Extensive research shows that sibling abuse (emotional, physical, and sexual) can lead to internalized shame, substance abuse, self-harm, nightmares, phobias, delinquency, and running away. In addition, many victims suffer from long-term effects including chronic low self-esteem, distrusting others, eating disorders, an increased rate of depression and anxiety, substance abuse, difficulties with boundaries, and, most importantly, difficulties forming healthy relationships. Many experts now consider sibling abuse to be the least reported and most damaging type of childhood abuse. It has been reported that approximately one-third of children in the United States have been physically harmed, threatened, or humiliated by a sibling.

In this post, I will show how parents have much more power to stop sibling abuse from occurring than they are aware of. In fact, it is up to parents to prevent this damaging form of abuse in their own family.

Risk Factors for Sibling Abuse

The primary risk factor for sibling abuse is being raised in an emotionally abusive family. Specifically, exposure to parental conflict, family violence, and harsh parenting are linked to sibling abuse. Families living in chaos or continual crisis are at risk of sibling abuse, partly due to the fact that chaotic families create parental stress and overburdened parents, and these experiences of family stress are associated with higher rates of sibling aggression. A culture of violence in which children describe their family environment as a “battleground” is yet another factor. Living in such an environment, children learn to survive through intimidation and cruelty.

As I discovered while doing research for my latest book, Adult Children of Emotionally Abusive Families, children who witness one or both parents emotionally abusing each other are far more likely to pass the abuse on to a sibling. This is particularly true when the father has issues with control and anger. In essence, the abusive parent is acting as a role model for their children, sending this message: When you are angry or frustrated, it is OK to take that anger or frustration out on someone else, especially someone who is weaker or has less power. The same thing holds true when one or both parents emotionally, physically, or sexually abuse one or more children in the family. The abused child may then “pass on” the abuse toward a younger or weaker sibling.

There are many other precipitating factors when it comes to sibling abuse. These factors are all related to the environment in the home and the role that parents play in the child’s life. These factors include:

• When parents confuse sibling abuse with sibling rivalry: Parents tend to ignore the problem and don’t help siblings resolve their conflicts by teaching them healthy conflict-resolution skills. This includes a parent’s inability to respond properly and parents normalizing abuse by ignoring or minimizing it. Silence and inaction can be taken as permission.
• Studies show that there is a strong link between lack of supervision and the frequency and severity of sibling abuse. When children are left on their own, sibling abuse tends to occur more often, especially when an older child is left in charge of a younger one.
• Parents not being available to meet their children’s emotional needs: For example, an emotionally neglected child may reach out to a sibling for the affection they long for, and this can lead to sibling sexual abuse.
• When parents create a competitive environment in the home: In emotionally abusive families, parents tend to pit one child against the other, regularly compare siblings, favor one child over the others, and make one child the family scapegoat. This encourages sibling rivalry and eventually sibling abuse.
• When siblings have to compete for available material and emotional resources (e.g., their parents’ attention), it can heighten the stress among siblings.
• The inability of parents to set healthy boundaries among family members may also be a risk factor for sibling abuse.
• Parents taking sides, blaming the victim, or shifting responsibility to the victim to resolve the issue (e.g., “Just stay out of his way.”)
• A hierarchical family structure where one spouse controls the other, and older siblings (especially males) mimic that authoritarian behavior and attitude toward younger siblings, can cause sibling abuse. This includes cultural norms that condone abuse of power.
• When a younger or weaker sibling is dependent on an older sibling for attention, support, or companionship, it gives the older sibling too much power.
• When a child already has a history of being abused, either by other family members or someone outside the home, it makes them more vulnerable to sibling abuse.
• And finally, when there are developmental, physical, or intellectual differences between siblings, the weaker sibling is more vulnerable to sibling abuse.

The Role of Certain Parental Traits

In addition to the above circumstances, often the parents themselves—their personality traits (e.g., an aggressive temperament), their ways of coping, and their belief systems—all contribute to the likelihood that sibling abuse will occur in the family. These include:

• Overcontrolling parents
• Parents who are alcohol- or drug-dependent: This is true for the following reasons: (1) Those under the influence of alcohol or drugs are more prone to becoming physically and emotionally abusive than parents who are not, and (2) being alcohol- or drug-dependent often causes a parent to be unavailable to care for or supervise their children
• Parents who lack empathy for victims
• Parents who have a history of having been abused themselves

The information in this post is not intended to be a criticism of parents. If you recognize your family environment or recognize your own behavior, take this post as a warning for how you can prevent sibling abuse from occurring in your family. Most importantly, if one or more of your children come to you complaining about a sibling emotionally, physically, or sexually abusing them, take them seriously and do something about it.