‘I felt like I’d stumbled on a cheat code’: what is the burned haystack dating method? | Well actually
It was 2023, and Dr Jennie Young was sick of online dating. She was looking for a partner, and instead all she found in the apps were inappropriately sexual come-ons and conversations that went nowhere. It felt like looking for a needle in a big, rancid haystack. So one day, frustrated and totally out of ideas, she Googled “how do you actually find a needle in a haystack?” The answer: burn it down. Thus, the burned haystack dating method (BHDM) was born. With the help of some friends and her academic expertise, Young – a professor of rhetoric at University of Wisconsin-Green Bay – developed a set of rules for “people who are searching for a long-term, stable, monogamous relationship”, as the Facebook group dedicated to the method states. The BHDM has two main components: 1. The 10 “rules of engagement”, or guidelines for using dating apps: these include not spending too much time on the apps, not becoming “pen pals” (messaging for too long), and blocking any user who doesn’t seem like a match. …









