All posts tagged: Declassified

Let it go! How the EU would benefit from being more like Disney – POLITICO

Let it go! How the EU would benefit from being more like Disney – POLITICO

Published by Sam Flores

If you haven’t seen “Frozen,” it’s about a place that’s cast into a perpetual winter (Europe) and is governed by a blonde woman in a tower (European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen). Among the other characters are a love interest who turns out to be a baddie of the highest order (U.S. President Donald Trump), and an annoying sidekick who keeps getting into trouble and threatening to ruin everything (Hungarian Prime MinisterViktor Orbán). At the end, everything’s resolved and they all live happily ever after (which seems unlikely). European Commissioner Apostolos Tzitzikostas, who is in charge of the transport and tourism brief, will also be in Paris for the opening of the World of Frozen, which is neither a frozen food shop nor about proposed legislation that’s stuck in a Council of the EU working party. Declassified reached out to OLAF for comment and received this reply: “We think you’re confusing OLAF, the EU watchdog, with OLAF, the annoying snowman from the Frozen series. Please, leave us alone.” The last time the EU intersected …

Never mind Winston Churchill and beavers, here’s what should really be on Bank of England notes – POLITICO

Never mind Winston Churchill and beavers, here’s what should really be on Bank of England notes – POLITICO

Published by Sam Flores

What was intended as a way to refresh the look of the currency while also bringing in new anti-counterfeit measures has developed into a full-blown culture war. On the BBC’s “Question Time” politics debate show, one audience member blamed the Greens for wanting to ditch wartime leader Winston Churchill, even though it has nothing to do with any political party. The issue even brought together political rivals Nigel Farage of Reform and Ed Davey of the Liberal Democrats, who both slammed the move, as did countless other “everything’s woke these days” talking heads. But what should really be on the Bank of England’s notes? What do English and Welsh people (the good folk of Scotland and Northern Ireland have their money issued separately, even if it’s all legal currency throughout the U.K.) want on their notes? Here’s what everyone can surely agree on and what the illustrations on the notes will look like (please send complaints to the Bank of England, Threadneedle Street, London)… A nice cup of tea Everyone loves a cup (or mug) …

The delicate art of hanging around like a lemon while your allies get lambasted – POLITICO

The delicate art of hanging around like a lemon while your allies get lambasted – POLITICO

Published by Sam Flores

This week, Merz — a man who was once congratulated on his tan by none other than U.S. President Donald Trump himself — was back in the Oval Office, sat in near-silence as the FIFA Peace Prize-winning American leader and bombing enthusiast threatened to “embargo” Spain for not spending more on defense and for condemning U.S. strikes on Iran. That’s made Merz about as popular in Spain as the incorrect pronunciation of paella. Incidentally, I initially misread the name of the U.S. mission against Iran, Operation Epic Fury, as Operation Eric Fury. Turns out there’s an American hip-hop artist called Eric Fury, who has songs called “World Wide Web Of Lies” as well as “Tax Return” and “Tax Return 2.” Imagine how angry he’d be if he had to fill in a Belgian tax return! It’d be a double album. I digress. Merz also remained silent as Trump slammed British Prime Minister Keir Starmer on an array of issues — “this is not Winston Churchill that we’re dealing with,” he said — and threatened to …

It’s time for the first AI member of the European Parliament – POLITICO

It’s time for the first AI member of the European Parliament – POLITICO

Published by Sam Flores

Speaking of what you can do in the Parliament, on Thursday evening a rave was held on the premises hosted by MEP Lukas Sieper, who recently announced that he was joining the liberal Renew Europe group (once his national party approves the move). The far right were not invited! Declassified wasn’t invited for a different reason, being too cool (are you sure about this? — ed) and so can’t provide updates on what a liberal rave looks like, but presumably it involves playing music at a reasonable volume, ends at 9.30 p.m., and features a lot of Moby. It wasn’t Sieper’s first on-site rave, although in the past booze was provided and the current invitation said you had to bring your own alcohol (a sign the cost-of-living crisis has reached the hallowed halls of the Parliament). But back to betting. The next EU election will be held in 2029, and my €10 is on AI candidates being on the ballot then (although the Parliament has spent roughly a century debating the introduction of transnational lists …

Controversy at the Winter Olympics – POLITICO

Controversy at the Winter Olympics – POLITICO

Published by Sam Flores

Interestingly, military patrol was an actual Olympic sport at the 1924 games in Chamonix, France. It involved teams cross-country skiing, mountain climbing and shooting, making it marginally more treacherous than walking from one end of Rue de la Loi to the other in a light drizzle. And if the Olympics ever did bring it back, those ICE agents would pretty much be guaranteed a place on the podium. Military patrol’s potential return to the Olympics would also mean Superman has a chance of winning his first Olympic medal, as Dean Cain, who portrayed Superman in “Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman” in the 1990s, is now a member of ICE. The actor had made headlines in July 2025 for calling the latest Superman film “woke,” after its director described the superhero as an immigrant. Indeed, Superman was born on the planet Krypton and his birth name was Kal-El, so he’d be exactly the sort of person ICE would be looking to deport. There’s more to Winter Olympics controversy than just ICE, though. There’s also penises! As detailed …

Coming soon to a haunted castle near you … Donald Trump’s excellently named Board of Peace – POLITICO

Coming soon to a haunted castle near you … Donald Trump’s excellently named Board of Peace – POLITICO

Published by Sam Flores

So please give generously (ideally using those big checks — or cheques, if you will — that they used to brandish when schools and hospitals raised large sums of money). The Board of Peace seems like such an exciting opportunity to potentially sit alongside such noted lovers of peace as Russia’s Vladimir Putin (invited), Belarus’ Aleksandr Lukashenko (accepted), and Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu (who said he’ll join) as well as Trump himself, who so loves peace that he now has a Nobel Peace Prize, albeit with someone else’s name on it. And who could question its motives? At the launch event for the Board of Peace, Trump said the world is “richer, safer and much more peaceful than it was just one year ago.” Wise words. There are, however, questions to be asked. For example, what language will its meetings be conducted in? English, of course! As Trump made clear in his speech at Davos (which I will never not confuse with Davros, leader of the Daleks in the TV show “Doctor Who”), without the U.S. …

Only ski jumpers and their penises can save Greenland from Donald Trump – POLITICO

Only ski jumpers and their penises can save Greenland from Donald Trump – POLITICO

Published by Sam Flores

Anyway, the Mercator Projection is great when it comes to navigation but it does distort world maps by making certain parts of the globe appear larger than they are, including Greenland. Which begs the question, does Trump really want Greenland for its untapped oil and gas reserves and its rare earth minerals (which aren’t really rare, so why don’t we call them ‘earths’?) or does he just fancy taking over an island that’s large but not quite as large as he thinks it is? Answers on a postcard to the White House. The reality is that Trump tends to get what he wants and Greenland could well end up in U.S. hands (to get ahead of the curve, I’ve already secured the naming rights for the island’s prospective Major League Baseball team, the Nuuk Nukes). Europe’s only option to stop Trump appears to be to force him to eat the national dish, suaasat, which is a soup made of seal, whale, reindeer, or seabirds, or to offer him something else European instead. Is there an …

Mamma mia! Investigating crimes against Italian food. – POLITICO

Mamma mia! Investigating crimes against Italian food. – POLITICO

Published by skeptic

Answers on a postcard to the supermarket in the European Parliament and/or the International Criminal Court. It’s been a challenging week for Italian foodstuffs. Italy’s agriculture minister, Francesco Lollobrigida, was livid when he saw a jar of carbonara sauce on the shelves of the Delhaize store inside the Parliament in Brussels that contained pancetta rather than guanciale — the cheek of it! (Guanciale is pork cheek, get it? No? Oh.) Lollobrigida said such products represent the “worst of ‘Italian-sounding’” foodstuffs and called for an “immediate investigation.” Thank goodness there isn’t a war (or several) going on. That said, passing off food as Italian is a big financial deal. Agricultural group Coldiretti reckons the “scandal of fake Italian products” costs the country €120 billion a year. Italy has also applied for Italian cuisine to be included in UNESCO’s Intangible Cultural Heritage list (which basically means you can’t f**k with it). On a side note, already on the UNESCO list is “shrimp fishing on horseback” in Oostduinkerke, Belgium. I didn’t know shrimp could ride horses! Italian Prime …