All posts tagged: friendships

’90s party legend on the brutal truth about midlife friendships and why she loves being single at 63

’90s party legend on the brutal truth about midlife friendships and why she loves being single at 63

Published by Daniella Wilson

Back in the nineties, when Kate Moss or Oasis wanted to party there was one woman they had on speed-dial to sort out the fun: fixer to the stars Fran Cutler.  As the daughter of a publican, Fran learnt from an early age how to make a career socialising and creating iconic pop culture moments. She earned the nickname ‘the rottweiler’ for her fierce approach on the door, stopping anyone who wasn’t on the list from crossing the velvet rope. But now in her 60s she insists she has mellowed. “I want to be called a chihuahua now,” she tells Ateh Jewel on the Hello! Second Act podcast. “Back in the day I was probably a bit difficult, but I’m a bit more relaxed now.” The single mum has no intention of hanging up her high heels and is still planning parties for the likes of Lily Allen. But her ambitions to write a memoir about the secrets behind the velvet rope, could have some spluttering into their champagne glasses. “I’ve seen and heard a …

3 Key Patterns in Toxic Friendships

3 Key Patterns in Toxic Friendships

Published by Jenni Sidey

At their best, friendships provide a range of positive benefits, such as companionship, stress reduction, and emotional support. But they can also have a dark side—marked by manipulativeness, exclusion, and intense duress. The costs of having a toxic friend are indeed high. These relationships can stir up confusion, guilt, and self-blame and lead to academic and professional underperformance, social withdrawal, and an unstable sense of self. But what is it actually like to be in a toxic friendship? This was the central question of a study conducted by researchers Muhammad Arifin and Andi Muspida. They contend that breaking away from toxic friends is no easy feat. The undertow of aggression can be difficult to identify, and there is often unconscious pressure to stay in it. But, the authors argue, if you know what to look for, you have a better chance of disengaging before lasting harm is done. To that end, the collaborators launched their study by recruiting undergraduate students who had experienced or were currently in toxic friendships. The participants were between the ages …

Recalibrating Friendships when Someone Changes

Recalibrating Friendships when Someone Changes

Published by Jenni Sidey

Friendships change over time because we humans are always changing. We both are and are not the same people we were one year ago, 10 years ago, or 50 years ago. Our friendships remind us of who we are and who we used to be. They also let us imagine who we could be. When people change important parts of themselves, such as their moral commitments, political beliefs, religious convictions, or life-orienting activities, their friendships may change as well. They may need to recalibrate friendships and determine if, where, and how they fit into a person’s life. This can be very disorienting. The “friends” who undermine and sabotage Early in recovery from addiction, our friendship circles may undergo a seismic shift. If most of our friends had been our drinking or using buddies, being around them may elicit an avalanche of powerful and conflicting emotions on our part. The setup can also release some bad behavior by our friends, unfortunately. Some of these friends may be unsupportive, while others actively sabotage efforts to be sober. …

11 High-EQ Reasons Someone Stays Pretty Much Silent In Every Group Chat

11 High-EQ Reasons Someone Stays Pretty Much Silent In Every Group Chat

Published by Jenni Sidey

It’s normal for people to get caught up in their daily chaos and forget to respond to their text messages. But we all have that one friend or family member who’s consistently non-responsive in group chats. We may perceive them as lazy or uncaring, but the truth is that when someone stays silent in group chats, it indicates a high level of emotional intelligence. For emotionally intelligent texters, it’s incredibly helpful for any friend group to have a silent member in group chats. Even though they’re not actively responding, they still help guide the natural flow of conversation and support others by listening without reacting. Someone with high emotional intelligence stays silent in every group chat for these reasons 1. They grasp conversation dynamics that others miss insta_photos | Shutterstock Emotionally intelligent people understand the flow of conversations. They’re not only perceptive to energy shifts from their peers online, they also know when to add to a conversation and when to let tensions cool before providing feedback.  They give others the space to craft messages …

‘You make people a bit happier’: the football app building friendships in London | Loneliness

‘You make people a bit happier’: the football app building friendships in London | Loneliness

Published by Sam Flores

Cries of “Boss! Boss! Boss!” emerge from the pitch during a hard-fought game of football in a London park. There aren’t a lot of names used in this game, because most players only met just before kick-off. They were brought together by an app that’s injecting life into grassroots football. Footy Addicts was invented to solve an infuriating problem for amateur players – the late dropout, which can lead to unbalanced teams and ruined games. The app brings together strangers who are desperate to play football, and who can step in after a cancellation to make up the numbers at short notice. Raul-Julian Grelet, 28, and Jacob Jae Ellis, 23, (RJ and JJ as they are known) met on the pitch today. Grelet organised their match through Footy Addicts, which is something he’s been doing since the start of the year. He says the platform has been a “marvel to this community”, and hosts matches to give people a chance to play and improve. “I do it because I know what it’s like to go …

New Children’s Books About Unlikely Friendships

New Children’s Books About Unlikely Friendships

Published by Jenni Sidey

Friendship is such an important part of children’s lives. And that’s precisely why it’s such an important part of children’s books. Friendship is truly where so much of the drama, as well as the triumph and love, happens between children’s book characters. This is especially true in stories about unlikely friendships. Whether friendships are unlikely because of personality, character traits, or even species, there is an inherent tension in stories where there is some kind of perceived obstacle to characters becoming friends. It’s basically the same reason enemies to lovers is so popular in romance novels. The following four books range from picture book to middle grade, were published within the last year, and all feature unlikely friendships. Some are funny, like the relationship between an owl who likes to stay up all night and a bird who prefers to wake up early. Some are sweet and poignant, like the story of a rescue dog who befriends an orphaned cheetah cub, and another where a young girl is best friends with a lion. And some …

The unspoken financial strains breaking up friendships and how to navigate them

The unspoken financial strains breaking up friendships and how to navigate them

Published by Daniella Wilson

Stay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and more Stay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and more Stay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and more The unspoken financial disparities among friends are increasingly causing unease and anxiety across the UK, with a new survey revealing the hidden strain money places on social bonds. More than one in five adults (22 per cent) admit to feeling uncomfortable when friends propose activities beyond their comfortable spending limit, while a further 20 per cent experience anxiety in such situations, highlighting a significant challenge to modern friendships. This revealing poll, conducted by Opinium for pension provider Aegon’s Money: Mindshift campaign, delves into the emotional and social factors shaping people’s attitudes towards money. It also highlighted several key reasons why many shy away from discussing finances openly with their friends. Nearly a quarter (24 per cent) fear upsetting someone who may be struggling financially, …

11 Signs You Have A Soul Deep Connection To Someone That Honestly Will Never Go Away

11 Signs You Have A Soul Deep Connection To Someone That Honestly Will Never Go Away

Published by Jenni Sidey

When we feel a connection to someone, it feels like the rarest thing in the world. With people becoming increasingly more isolated, it’s difficult to seek out and find true companionship with another person, whether it’s romantic, platonic or otherwise. But sometimes, when we do find that bond, there are signs you have a soul deep connection to someone that honestly will never go away, and these indicators often present themselves in strange ways. Whether it’s feeling like you’ve known them forever, being in sync with them, or always having them on your mind, when you feel a deep connection to someone else, it puts you through a life-changing transformation of your own. While some people may come and go throughout your life, the impact this person leaves is undeniable and meant to last. Here are 11 signs you have a soul deep connection to someone that honestly will never go away  1. You instantly feel comfortable Gorgev | Shutterstock There likely aren’t many people you feel comfortable around. Outside of family, making bonds with …

‘I got everything I dreamed of – when I had no ability to handle it’: Lena Dunham on toxic fame, broken friendships and her ‘lost decade’ | Lena Dunham

‘I got everything I dreamed of – when I had no ability to handle it’: Lena Dunham on toxic fame, broken friendships and her ‘lost decade’ | Lena Dunham

Published by Sam Flores

If there is something to be learned from the words people pick for their passwords and proxies, then Lena Dunham’s choice of aliases – pseudonyms that, as a public person, she has used over the years to conceal her identity when checking into rehab or ordering room service – give us a tiny glimpse into the writer and director’s self-image. Among her staples, “Lauri Reynolds” (after her mum, Laurie, with whom she is strikingly close); “Rose O’Neill” (after the American millionaire illustrator, who lost her fortune to burnout and hangers-on); and my favourite, “Renata Halpern”, an alias Dunham shares with readers of her delicious new memoir, Famesick, without explaining the name’s origin. “Has anyone else clocked the Renata Halpern reference?” I ask Dunham, who is in her apartment in New York, talking fast via video call while waiting for an egg-and-cheese bagel to be run up from the deli. On the brink of 40, she is in her dark-haired era – very Jane Russell in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes – which, this morning, is set against a …

Why Some Men Struggle to Keep Up With Friendships

Why Some Men Struggle to Keep Up With Friendships

Published by Sam Flores

This is an edition of The Wonder Reader, a newsletter in which our editors recommend a set of stories to spark your curiosity and fill you with delight. Sign up here to get it every Saturday morning. When Andrew McCarthy’s 21-year-old son turned to him and asked, “You don’t really have any friends, do you, Dad?” McCarthy had to stop and think. He had friends—at least he thought he did—but he saw and heard from them so infrequently that he started to wonder if they still counted as his friends. He asked himself: “What did I get from my friends, and what did I have to offer them?” The question set him on a mission to reconnect with a handful of his male friends, and it wasn’t as easy as he’d hoped. “A 2021 survey found that 15 percent of men confessed to having no close friends at all, up from 3 percent in 1990, while fewer than half of men said they were satisfied with how many friends they had,” McCarthy writes. Friendships are …