Shame is a painful perception of self as failing, inadequate, impotent, defective, unattractive, or unlovable. Pride is a pleasant perception of self as successful, accomplished, potent, admirable, attractive, or lovable. Inner perceptions of self implicitly guide thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Rarely do we consciously consider ourselves to be failures, successful, lovable, or unlovable. Inner self shame manifests only when shameful behavior is exposed—that is, when we’re caught. Psychological distress is unavoidable when inner and outer selves contradict each other. The most common contradiction: Inner-self implicit shame. Outer-self explicit pride. Indicators of this contradiction are: Self-obsession. Inflated ego. Entitlement. Manipulation. Devaluing others. A virulent way of coping with contradictions between the inner and outer self is acting on the adrenaline-fueled impulse to shame others. Making someone feel small, defective, repulsive, isolated, or unlovable has a similar effect on the inner self. Shaming others exacerbates inner shame. Reconciliation: Inner and Outer Pride If you tend to be self-obsessed (thinking only of yourself and your own perspective), practice seeing other perspectives without pre-judging them through negative labels or …