Consider which of the following you experience the most in an average day: Interest, curiosity, enjoyment, appreciation, compassion, love… Or: Resentment, anger, disdain, disgust, distraction, anxiety, obsessions, boredom…. The first series of emotions carries approach motivations; we want more of what stirs them. Approach motivations are incompatible with avoid motivations, in which we want less of something or someone. Approach motivations are the opposite of attack motivations, in which we perceive threats, usually to the ego. Whichever emotion we experience the most intensely and frequently becomes habit, the default emotional state. On autopilot, something unusual must happen to switch from avoid and attack to approach. Avoid and attack motivations usually win out because they don’t require an open mind and an open heart. When that is the case, we must deliberately open our hearts and minds. This takes more than slowing down to smell the roses. We must incorporate the scent of the roses into our routines. By the time we’re adults, most of our feelings are conditioned responses; we automatically feel the same way …