All posts tagged: Relational

Reparative Experiences in Relational Trauma Recovery

Reparative Experiences in Relational Trauma Recovery

This post is part 1 of a series. We all know that relational trauma has far-reaching consequences that extend well into adulthood. Research has shown that childhood experiences, particularly adverse ones, are not just fleeting memories; they leave a lasting, tangible imprint on the brain’s architecture and functioning. Those of us who live through adverse experiences and whose brain architecture changes as a result often develop toxic stress responses, perceiving even benign experiences as life-threatening, which can further manifest in a range of maladaptive social and behavioral coping skills with subsequent health consequences. Therefore, our adult health and well-being can still be impacted by events, perceptions, and experiences that took place decades ago. Obviously, getting the right kind of help to address the impacts of childhood trauma experiences is critical—and certainly, foremost among the preferred help modalities is trauma-focused therapy. EMDR, TF-CBT, and other gold-standard trauma therapies are extraordinary modalities and interventions for childhood trauma recovery work. But I do want to suggest that reparative experiences—both inside and outside the therapy room—can also play a …

When the Body Heals: Recovery From Relational Stress

When the Body Heals: Recovery From Relational Stress

Recently, I came across stories of two young people who experienced serious autoimmune disorders after suffering for years under an abusive, narcissistic parent. A young woman, who had been on crutches and even in a wheelchair for five years, saw her physical disability vanish within weeks after a court removed her abusive father’s visitation rights. Similarly, a young man had endured a many years long autoimmune illness that left him disabled. Within three months of his narcissistic father’s death, he recovered. Six months after his father’s passing, he is now employed full-time. These are striking examples, but they are not uncommon. In fact, similar stories exist, well documented in the literature, involving three key research areas: psychoneuroimmunology, the study of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), and the growing body of clinical work on narcissistic abuse as a chronic traumatic stressor. The Body Keeps the Score: Somatic Responses to Relational Threat The psychiatrist and trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk explained that unresolved threats, especially interpersonal threats from which escape is impossible, are stored not only in …

What It Means to Do Relational Work With Individual Clients

What It Means to Do Relational Work With Individual Clients

What does it mean to do relational work with individual clients? It might sound contradictory, but it’s actually one of my very favorite ways to work — and it has the potential to resolve some serious issues that individual therapists often face. Many of our clients come to us for help with issues they’re experiencing in their relationships, whether with their spouses, their family members, their friends, or their colleagues. As therapists, we can ask questions about dynamics, offer support, and reflect back what we see, but we’re only getting part of the picture. Our understanding is limited by our client’s willingness to share and their level of insight. That, in turn, limits how much we can help. This knowledge gap can lead to all kinds of issues. For instance, based on our client’s reporting, we may end up seeing the client’s partner as a villain — while if we were to actually see how things play out, we might discover that our client contributes to unhelpful relationship dynamics. (This is a common refrain among …

In the Midst of a Crisis: Relational Liberalism and the Contemporary Challenges to Democratic Legitimacy

In the Midst of a Crisis: Relational Liberalism and the Contemporary Challenges to Democratic Legitimacy

Contemporary democratic societies are in the midst of a legitimacy crisis. This crisis relates to different dimensions of democracy: a breakdown in meaningful representation of citizens’ interests; a spreading tendency to resort to an unrestrained use of power that calls into question the liberal-democratic promise to protect individual rights and to cater to a stable system of checks and balances; and extreme and widening asymmetries in the distribution of power, status, and wealth among citizens. It is therefore not surprising that political theorists are called to investigate and possibly propose a way out from the so-called phenomenon of democratic backsliding, that is, a spreading perception that democratic ideals and practices are losing ground in the face of contemporary authoritarian and illiberal challenges and populist waves. As a general diagnosis, we can posit that these phenomena, although different in quality and relating to different aspects of democracy, are fostered by a general and widespread erosion of trust. This erosion of trust concerns both the horizontal relationships between fellow citizens as members of the same polity and …

What ChatGPT Gets Wrong About Therapy: On The Ethical and Relational Limits of AI as Therapy

What ChatGPT Gets Wrong About Therapy: On The Ethical and Relational Limits of AI as Therapy

ChatGPT plays the role of a therapist. But it is not a particularly good therapist. And to worsen matters, as ChatGPT becomes more widely used, it is starting to interfere with the work we human therapists do. As a clinical psychologist, I treat both individuals and couples. I work with one couple in their late 30s who have a high-conflict relationship. The focus has been mainly on cultivating empathy and recognizing alternative viewpoints, as well as managing conflict calmly. During one session, the male partner rushed into my office and handed me a printout of his exchange with ChatGPT. I shared a knowing glance with his wife before skimming it over. The transcript included his version of an argument they’d had alongside ChatGPT’s commentary. ChatGPT reinforced his view, labeling his wife’s communication as “highly problematic,” “abusive,” and even suggesting traits of “narcissistic personality disorder.” Thus, the first problem with ChatGPT is epistemic: it offers seemingly authoritative interpretations of significant personal matters based on extremely limited, one-sided information. ChatGPT did not know that my male client …