It is not only natural but also universal for our bodies to change over time. Body size and shape, and how our bodies function, change throughout adulthood. At different points in our adult lives, we may wear different clothing sizes and have varied physical abilities. For example, we experience a gradual loss of muscle mass as we age, starting in our 30s, and through middle age, fat naturally redistributes due to hormonal changes. Further, most adults gradually lose height starting in their 40s due to normal compression of the spine.
Yet, we often believe and expect that our bodies will stay the same once we reach a certain point in adulthood. This belief can make us feel insecure or lead us to think we are doing something wrong in the face of a changing body. In turn, we may criticize our changing bodies and ourselves, believing we are less worthy or valuable.
How do we practice accepting natural body changes and reducing the volume of self-criticism?
Cultivate a flexible body image
Rather than holding a rigid expectation that your body must stay the same over time, you can foster the ability to accept changes in your body by focusing on what it can do and how it helps you live your life, rather than on what it looks like. If you have experienced changes in your functional ability, acknowledge these changes, make space for the feelings you have (sadness, frustration, etc.), and allow yourself to grieve loss without judgment. At the same time, acknowledge that your body continues to do so much each day.
Normalize body changes and separate your sense of worth from your appearance
Many of us automatically talk to ourselves critically about our bodies based on ingrained beliefs and messages. It is important to shift unhelpful body self-talk by intentionally normalizing body changes and separating your sense of worth from your appearance via helpful self-talk. For example, saying to yourself, “Bodies change all the time. That is the rule, not the exception. This is normal, and my value is not based on how I look.”
You can also reinforce what you feel proud of yourself for that is not based on your looks by making a list of your non-appearance qualities and traits. Perhaps you are proud of your curiosity, open-mindedness, trustworthiness, or humor.
Stop trying to control your body
Are you exhausted by trying to control your body through methods such as dieting, over-exercising, or hypervigilance? How helpful have these methods been, not just related to maintaining a certain body size and shape, but also to your mood? Over time, do these methods help you feel more at ease and free, or do they lead you to feel more stress, anxiety, and self-criticism?
Acknowledging and reflecting on how trying to control your body is unworkable and comes at a high cost to your mood and sense of vitality can open the door to acceptance of your body as it is and help you funnel your time and energy into more worthwhile and value-based pursuits.
Untangle your values from specific physical activities
Perhaps you are someone who walked an hour each day, and due to physical changes, can no longer do so. Or, you ran marathons and are no longer able to run. It can be emotionally challenging to let go of specific activities and goals, and it is helpful to untangle the activity from the value. What is values-based about your walk or run that is not based on the actual physical activity? Perhaps you value being outside, connecting with others who share a similar interest, or simply taking time for yourself without distraction.
Consider how your values can be honored within your current physical abilities. Just because a specific activity may not be doable, that does not mean you can’t continue to engage in values-based activities overall.
Focus on compassion, comfort, and confidence
Practice noticing when your self-critical internal voice arises and shift to repeating self-compassion statements. For example, “I am worthy as I am today” or “I am perfectly imperfect, and I accept myself as I am.”
Focus on comfort and ease. What would help you feel comfortable and more at ease in your skin? Can you dress in comfortable clothing? Are there certain fabrics, textures, scents, etc., that you can put on your body that feel soothing?
Aim to feel confident as you are today. How can you feel confident and empowered in this moment? Is there music you can listen to, thoughts you can repeat, a certain piece of clothing or accessory you can wear, or an action you can take that allows you to feel confident, empowered, and strong as you are?