This article features expert comment from psychologist Dr Sasha Hall.

Friendships end over all sorts of things – but have you ever called time on one over differing parenting choices?

That’s the dilemma one parent is facing, after they shared on Reddit that they “feel like an asshole” but are considering letting a six-year friendship with another parent fade.

“Both of us have a kid who is around 3 and I feel like I’m not aligned with this friend anymore,” they said. “We have different opinions on raising our children and I don’t think I can continue this friendship anymore.”

They noted they “constantly feel judged and belittled” by this friend, and also disagree with them over their stance on not vaccinating their kids and homeschooling.

“I understand that she has a right to parent her child the way she thinks is best, however, I don’t like the feeling of judgement that comes along with the choices I have made as a parent,” they added.

It prompted a lot of discussion – and resonated with plenty of other mums – who suggested this is quite a common experience, although probably not spoken about all that much.

Breastfeeding vs not breastfeeding; vaccinating vs not vaccinating; gentle parenting vs authoritarian parenting; differing views on where kids should be educated or screen time. All of these can be contentious and fire up a lot of debate.

But when there’s an added layer of judgment or belittling going on, this can swiftly turn into sour territory.

“When parenting is involved, emotions can run very high because children are so deeply tied to our sense of love, responsibility and identity,” said psychologist Dr Sasha Hall.

“If something makes us feel judged, criticised or concerned about safety, it can trigger strong and sometimes immediate reactions.”

But ending a friendship isn’t always the best or only option, she noted, stressing it’s important “not to act purely on the first emotional response”.

As with anything, it’s probably best to take some time to reflect before making any rash decisions. This can help to “create a bit of space between what happened and what you choose to do next,” said the psychologist.

“This might involve thinking through what exactly felt difficult, what values were touched and whether this is a one-off tension or a repeated pattern.”

Doing this can also help to separate differences in opinion from differences in values. “Some disagreements can be navigated with mutual respect, while others may feel more fundamental and harder to sit with,” she added.

It’s also worth considering what the relationship was built on in the first place. Think about what drew you to your friend, what you enjoyed together and what still feels meaningful – this can help guide what you do next.

“In many cases, the friendship does not need to end, but it may need to change shape,” added Dr Hall.

If you have considered your differences, and want to still maintain the friendship despite them, Dr Hall says a more gradual approach might be better than just ending the relationship.

What does this entail? Well… “One option is to shift the focus of the friendship,” she explained. “If parenting differences are a source of tension, spending time together without children can allow you to reconnect on the parts of the relationship that existed before.”

Setting boundaries can also help. If you know certain topics leave you butting heads, agree to not discuss them or (easier said than done, admittedly) choose not to engage in conversations that tend to lead to conflict.

“If it feels safe to do so, raising the issue in a calm and non accusatory way can help clear the air,” said Dr Hall. “Focusing on how something made you feel rather than criticising the other person’s choices can make the conversation more constructive.”

She suggested that maintaining the friendship doesn’t require complete agreement: “It relies more on mutual respect, emotional safety and a willingness to accept that not everything will align.”

Sometimes, despite best efforts, calling time on a friendship is the only way forward. But what are the signs that it’s running in this direction?

“A key sign is how the relationship makes you feel over time. If there is a consistent sense of being judged, criticised or undermined, it can start to erode trust and emotional safety,” said Dr Hall.

Listen to your body: you might notice you feel on edge before seeing them, or that conversations regularly turn into tension or conflict, or that you come away feeling exhausted and angry.

“If you no longer feel able to be open without it leading to discomfort, that can be an important signal,” added Dr Hall.

Another important factor in all of this is whether your personal differences affect your sense of safety or values in a way that feels difficult to reconcile, particularly when children are involved.

“Friendships can also run their course more quietly, where the connection feels less supportive, less reciprocal or more draining than it once did. It is often less about a single disagreement and more about a pattern that no longer feels healthy or sustainable,” added the expert.

If you do feel like a friendship fade is best for you and your family, Dr Hall said “there is no single right way to handle this, and it does not always need to be a formal or dramatic ending”.

Her advice is that sometimes, a gradual step back can feel more natural. “This might involve seeing each other less often, shifting the type of contact you have or allowing the relationship to settle into a more distant place,” she said.

But if the situation feels more significant or ongoing, having an honest but calm conversation can be helpful.

“Focusing on your own feelings and needs rather than placing blame can reduce defensiveness and allow for a more respectful exchange,” she ended.