“Just get it done.” You certainly mean that four-word phrase with good intentions. Those four words likely sound harmless to you. After all, you are being direct and looking out for your child’s best interests. So, why can’t you just say those words, and then your child or teen reengages in their homework or whatever assignments are due?

Yet in my work with children and families, and in conversations with parents who consult me about their kids shutting down from schoolwork, this phrase marks the moment when things go sideways. Specifically, when kids hear “Just get it done,” they often retreat from taking action. That’s because they feel alone in what feels like impossible demands. So, they lose sight of what they can do and focus on the feelings of what they can’t do. And that often means that they shut down.

Why These Words Backfire

When a child is already feeling overwhelmed, unsure where to begin, and just plain old worried about making mistakes, “Just get it done” does not imbue motivation. Rather, it creates pressure without a path. Many of the kids I work with hear, in their minds, pressurized, self-denigrating thoughts. These often include, “I should already know how to do this.” Or, “I’m already behind, so what’s the point?” And when the pressure keeps building, these kids shut down.

Parents often misconstrue a child being stuck as a child being lazy. Stuck is not the same as lazy. Sure, parents tell me things like, “He just sits there and stares off or is on a device.” Or, “She says she will start, but she doesn’t.” The parents go on to say, “It turns into a battle every night.”

But when we slow it down, a different story emerges. These kids aren’t refusing; they are caught in mental loops. You ask what loops? There are many that spiral fast and furious throughout children’s and teens’ minds. For example, “What if I don’t understand how to do it?”, What if I mess this up?”, or “Ugh, what if this takes forever?”

I get that from the outside, it all looks like avoidance. But from inside their heads, it feels like an overload.

What Helps Kids Get Moving

The goal is not to lower your child’s expectations about what they have to do. It’s to give them a way to engage and take a step forward. So, instead of “Just get it done,” how about you try some more empowering alternatives? For example, you could say, “Let’s just find the first step.” Or, maybe, “What part of this feels like the hardest right now?”, or “How about we take this one step at a time?”

In my book, Freeing Your Child From Overthinking, I provide further examples and practical strategies to help kids move out of these what-if loops. Once you can help your child get activated, and they start, they are much more likely to keep rolling.

The Takeaway

So, stay mindful that your child or teen is likely caught up in those nasty overthinking spirals. The more you can help free your child from overthinking, the less likely they (and you) are to struggle.