Everyone talks about how bad it is for your nervous system, being on social media, scrolling, but recently, I had a discussion with my teenage daughter to understand why it is so hard not to check your phone.

Why is it so difficult to have a proper conversation without getting distracted, or at least have a full 15-minute talk without checking the phone?

For example, when we drive together or have lunch, a normal conversation automatically includes checking her phone during pauses. She checks her Snapchat, TikTok to see if someone reacted to her video, Instagram to see who viewed or liked her story, and her text messages.

It is understandable if you are at work and need to constantly check your email. I am not against technology; I am trying to understand the mechanism behind this.

Recently, she tried to do a detox from social media and failed on the second day. She said it feels like a war is happening inside her brain: no peace, constant mood swings, rage building up for no reason, irritation, and not knowing where to go or what to do. It feels like an uncomfortable void, where thoughts are everywhere but cannot settle

In one example, we were about to have tea together as usual. Before sitting down, she went to her room, came back, and turned on the TV to watch a YouTube vlog (since there was a no-phone rule). Then, we started making crepes, and during that time, she went back to her room about four times. Her mind could not stop circling.

It felt like anxiety was rising, and she did not know how to stop it. She kept moving, looking for relief. It was as if her body was trying to cope with the stress.

I have noticed that withdrawing from the phone immediately can feel overwhelming for the nervous system, similar to a withdrawal-like response. It may not be an exact comparison, but the intensity is similar to taking something away from someone who depends on it.

So, what actually happens in our system when we scroll, and when we stop?

Scrolling is a combination of habit formation, dopamine-driven reward systems, and emotional regulation (Turel et al., 2014). Apps such as TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube are designed around variable rewards; you don’t know what you will see next, but it might be interesting, funny, or socially rewarding. This activates the brain’s dopamine system and reinforces the behavior.

Over time, the brain learns: “Feeling bored → check phone → get relief.”

When constant digital stimulation is removed, the brain experiences a relative drop in reward input (Nagata et al., 2025).

Research on adolescent screen use shows that this can lead to withdrawal-like symptoms, such as irritability, restlessness, difficulty concentrating, and emotional distress, especially in individuals who have developed habitual or addictive patterns of use (Ji et al., 2025). Because adolescents’ self-regulation systems are still developing, these effects can be intense and harder to manage.

What is happening: The brain adapts to constant stimulation. Without it, baseline mental activity can feel chaotic. This raises a question: How does a brain like that stay present long enough to process information or connection?

She is still a teenager, and she will likely learn this over time. But this is not just a teenage issue. Adults experience it too, people who make decisions, build relationships, and carry responsibilities. We live in an environment where attention is constantly being captured and redirected.

So what can we do? Adjust and learn, but also preserve something fundamental in us. Creativity, original thought, writing, poetry, theatre, music, these require constant attention. If attention becomes fragmented, these human capacities may require more effort to access.

Going back to attention fragmentation: short-form content trains the brain to rapidly switch focus. Over time, this reduces tolerance for sustained attention. So when my daughter says, “My mind was all over the place,” it reflects a brain used to continuous new information. When that stops, thoughts become faster and harder to organize.

So the feeling of wanting the phone but trying not to use it is a clash between:

• impulse systems (fast, reward-seeking, emotional)
• control systems (slower, planning, long-term thinking) (Hofmann et al., 2009, 2012)

In teenagers, this conflict is stronger because the brain’s control systems are still developing. This makes the experience more intense because of normal brain development interacting with highly stimulating technology. So the struggle my daughter describes is developmentally normal.

What does this mean for all of us?

If scrolling becomes our default response to discomfort or boredom, what happens over time? We may gradually lose tolerance for stillness, reflection, and uninterrupted thinking, skills that are essential for decision-making, relationships, and creativity.

This also raises a question. If the brain becomes conditioned to expect quick rewards, it can be guided by whatever provides them…

It means that our attention, habits, and behavior can be managed more easily than we realize…

It may not sound alarming, but it is something to think about….

Small steps matter: keeping the phone in a pocket during meals, for short “check windows,” or for practicing 10 to 15 minutes of uninterrupted conversation. It will help us to be present, sit, and think.

It might be one of the most important skills to have these days.