Feeling stuck and out of control over a situation is a lousy and often painful feeling. Depending on the situation, you may feel annoyed, completely overwhelmed, or somewhere in between. For those of us who grew up in chaotic and/or dysfunctional households, the current feeling may mimic the lack of control we felt as children. This lack of control state can render us frozen and be a roadblock to making necessary life changes.

Perhaps you feel stuck in a job or a relationship that’s going nowhere but are nervous about making a large change. In the case of a job, there are practical aspects such as the necessity of an income to pay your bills; whereas with a relationship, there are emotional issues such as concerns over hurting the current partner’s feelings. Perhaps it is a feeling of being stuck in a country in which atrocities appear to be worsening. These are all valid concerns and should be taken into consideration. Thus, we need to ask ourselves if our current situation is wrong for us or, worse yet, harmful to us.

So, what can we do to get unstuck from feelings of overwhelm and powerlessness?

1. Soul-searching: Decide what you have control over

Start by sitting down and writing out what you have control over and what you don’t. Realizing and accepting this can help you take the necessary steps to drag yourself out of the overwhelming muck and build a new path forward. For some, saying the Serenity Prayer may resonate, and provide comfort and strength through this process.

Lay down your defenses. I know: You probably want to scream indignantly, “Why me?” At this point, we need radical self-honesty; looking into the mirror and asking ourselves how much we chose or contributed to the upsetting situation in which we feel stuck. While as individuals we may have had little to do with situations such as political atrocities, other circumstances may be ones in which we’ve played a role, maybe even a substantial role. Here’s where self-honesty comes in.

2. Ask “Is the current situation unhealthy for me?”

Next, ask yourself if your current situation may be harming your emotional, psychological, or physical well-being. Again, be brutally honest with yourself and noodle on this for a while. Also consider if this situation may be harmful to anyone for whom you have direct responsibility, such as your child. Is this an acceptable situation or is the harm obviously outweighing the positive at this point? When in doubt, it may be helpful to consult a trusted, responsible loved one or therapist for help with the answers to these questions.

3. “Defrosting” from a frozen overwhelm state: What are you willing to do about it?

Here’s the scary part. Defrosting from the frozen unhelpful state of overwhelm and fear may mean potential movement in your life. Are you ready to make a change? Give this stage time as you roll it around in your noggin for a while. Research the life modification and learn more about it.

Once you decide to make the change…

4. Feel it and grieve the loss

Now that you’ve decided it’s time for a change, be prepared to feel it.

This is a circular rather than linear process or step. We need to grieve the upcoming loss of the familiar (albeit potentially unhealthy) situation and continue to mourn it whenever the feelings surface. Getting the help and support we need is crucial to this process. Journal, cry it out, and find a supportive and kind shoulder on which to lean.

5. Tentative action plan

No longer stuck in the muck…

Open up your mind and play around with ideas. You may need to be flexible, tweaking the plan a bit as you go, so remember to be gentle and accepting of yourself. If you made a large life change, what would that look and feel like? How would this change affect other areas of your life?

Start considering the steps you’ll need to take to achieve the change and a tentative timeline. Consider the major challenges of the change and how you’ll deal with these challenges. It may be helpful to make not only an action plan, but also a coping plan which assists in the longer-term adjustment to the life modification.

6. Resources for change

Create a Vision Board

For certain life changes, a Vision Board can be just the daily reminder you need. Seeing your new situation in visual form can help cement the change in your mind and keep you motivated. Paste pictures of what the new setting or circumstance could mean to you and the way it might make you feel. Envision your life with this needed change and find images that will help your goal become a reality.

Complementary healing

A complementary healing method such as yoga, acupuncture, sound healing or other alternative medicine technique may assist you in coping with potential new stressors. The right complementary healing method can also be just the ticket for opening us up to new experiences.

7. Bring in your support network

If it’s a big life change, you will want to call on supportive help. Ask yourself what type of help you need in order to create this change and who would be the best person(s) to provide it. Consider who will be the most supportive of the needed change without their own agenda interfering with your life modification. Change is scary and others around you may feel internally pressured to make their own life adjustments.

You don’t need to make this change alone. Enlist the help of others, including potentially a therapist and perhaps a support group or informational group (in person or online), but make sure it’s a reliable and safe resource.

8. Dip your feet in: Start with small steps

Giant steps may be especially scary and overwhelming, which can keep you in that deep-freeze state. So, you will probably want to start with baby steps and practicing self-compassion can be key to successful life transitions. Continue to research the needed change and perhaps reach out to others who are altering their life in a similar manner.

9. Reward yourself!

For each action step you take, reward yourself! For some, indulging in a high-quality chocolate or sweet treat may be just the ticket to ensure continued success. For others, treating yourself to a long relaxing bubble bath, a lunch with friends, or a chick flick movie will keep the motivation going. Perhaps a walk in nature or the beach will be an effective reward; Just make sure it’s whatever makes your heart sing (or at least hum a bit louder).

10. Keeping up the momentum

Here’s where many people get snagged. After the initial decision and perhaps exciting opening steps, the fear may creep in and rear its ugly mug. Don’t let it! When the fear comes knocking at your door, don’t answer it. Tell it you’re not home. Or greet it, acknowledge it, and close the door again.

If the fear seeps in, take a break. Get outside and take a walk, do a workout, get some emotional support from your trusted support crew, or find another safe way to clear your head and refocus your energy on your needed life modification.

You can do this!

If this is a change you’ve decide to make, commit to it. Getting unfrozen can mean one step, one day, or even one hour at a time – but keep the momentum! Get the support and resources you need and make that important change. You can do this!

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.