Our childhood experiences shape our lives as adults more than we realize. For some of us, specific experiences, like having overbearing parents or being spoiled, are easily recognized, but people who grew up very lonely do some unique things that set them apart, especially since they likely became independent at a young age.
The somewhat odd things people who grew up lonely do more often than you might realize:
1. They overthink everything
DC Studio | Shutterstock
According to a study from Psychological Medicine, kids who grew up with high levels of loneliness often grow into more anxious and sometimes depressed adults. They were taught not only that their solitude was something to fear, but that they weren’t worthy of attention or love from anyone else unless they had something exciting to say or offer.
As adults, they may spend more time overthinking conversations or even rehearsing what they’re going to say. Chances are, they’ve fallen victim to name-dropping and bragging about goals. They’re generally more anxious because they want to overcompensate for the levels of loneliness they faced early in life, even if it’s entirely subconscious.
2. They choose solitude
baranq | Shutterstock
While being alone and appreciating solitude can make some people happier, a person’s mindset and motivation around this space mean everything for how healthy it is in their routines.
So, if a person grew up lonely and accepts their alone time as adults because they enjoy it and have crafted intentional routines, they’re probably going to find it fulfilling and meaningful. But someone who’s learned to resent alone time and associate it with some flaw of their own character may fall into cycles of blame and further isolation.
3. They’re expert observers
stockfour | Shutterstock
Many people who deal with loneliness early on form a belief that they’re inherently outsiders. They may not grasp that it was their parents or their home environment that isolated them, so they spend a lot of adulthood trying to cope with that nagging feeling of being left out and excluded, even if it’s sometimes coming from their own self-concept.
However, feeling like an outsider also means these people are expert observers. They’re used to being on the outskirts of conversations and interactions, noticing people’s energy and body language before they are even introduced to each other.
4. They have niche and unique goals
WichM | Shutterstock
Some kids who feel left out early in life do everything they can to fit in, including conforming to social norms and the goals of everyone around them. However, there are also many kids who spend most of their time alone learning to platform their own unique authenticity without influence from other people or norms.
They have unique, hyper-specific goals and dreams in adulthood because they weren’t interested in chasing after something just because it was “cool” to the world. They chased after things and invested in the kinds of dreams that lit them up and made them feel excited as children home alone.
5. They avoid groups and crowds
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock
Especially in our society that tends to platform and reward extroverted people who are equally social and charismatic, it’s not surprising that someone with a more introverted personality comes across as odd. From preferring to spend time alone and saying “no” to social plans that involve crowded parties and big groups, they’re often more introspective and quiet than the average person.
So, if someone was lucky enough to be an introvert, there’s a chance they figured out how to enjoy their alone time, even when it was somewhat of a burden. They learned to appreciate the intimacy of a one-on-one conversation or the fulfillment of a night spent only in their own company. As adults, they’re likely similarly intentional with relationships and connections.
6. They speak to themselves out loud
Hitdelight | Shutterstock
Studies show, like one from Frontiers in Psychology, that lonely, isolated people are often more likely to engage in more self-talk, especially when their loneliness is incredibly disruptive to their minds and experiences.
In some environments, speaking to themselves out loud can serve as a temporary substitute for social interaction with other people, even if it doesn’t last forever. So, it’s not surprising that kids who often spoke stories out loud for entertainment and narrated everything at home are the same adults who speak to themselves regularly.
7. They have wild imaginations
Leszek Glasner | Shutterstock
According to a 2024 study, a lonely mind is often one that wanders. So, if a child grew up incredibly lonely and isolated, they’re going to be more prone to daydreaming and letting their mind wander. Even if all of their peers resort to external entertainment, they’re the kind of adult today who goes into their mind.
In boring conversations, they seem to be zoning out, and they’re regularly caught daydreaming in a workplace environment when they need a break from the noise.
8. They grow emotionally attached to objects
ronstik | Shutterstock
Perceiving an object to be human-like is often what prompts emotional connections and attachments to it. However, unsurprisingly, someone who faced exclusion and loneliness growing up is more likely to name human-like qualities to objects. So, if a child spent most of their time playing with dolls and stuffed animals, chances are they learned to appreciate and love those objects like real people.
In adults, they may not have the same kinds of connections to the same objects, but there may still be a thread of this sentiment in their lives, whether it’s through overconsumption or holding onto collectables.
9. They can disappear into things for hours
Vera Prokhorova | Shutterstock
Whether it’s a niche interest and research topic or a hobby they love after work, people who spent their entire childhood alone are used to diving into something for hours. They’re not distracted by the loudness of thoughts in their head or the discomfort of stillness, but rather comforted by it, in many ways, when things in their lives are loud and chaotic.
Even if it was just growing up as an only child, these adults are misunderstood. They may not be the selfish version of lonely children that we see in the media, but they are somewhat individualistic and unique. They’re eccentric, with the social skills to connect with adults, but a disconnect with the kinds of connections they yearned for with other kids and peers at the same age.
Regardless of whether they had siblings or not, these kids had to find some way to fill their time, and that usually meant getting creative with personal interests and hobbies that the average kid would trash within 10 minutes.
10. They pick up on tiny changes in energy
Photoroyalty | Shutterstock
Many people with a basic kind of social awareness can read the energy of most rooms they’re in, but a child who grew up always as an observer has a deeper level of connection to the vibes or the people around them. They can pick up on small changes in energy and the kinds of quirks other people have. They notice when someone doesn’t like them, and when they do.
They’re tapped into this energy because their entire lives, they’ve been watching people and sitting on the sidelines. They got used to noticing without pressure to respond, and it has served their social awareness as adults.
11. They assume they’re not wanted
Christian Moro | Shutterstock
Having spent most of their lives grieving the loss of a birthday party they thought they’d be invited to or a friend they thought they clicked with, most lonely kids are used to assuming they’re not wanted. They assume they weren’t invited if someone doesn’t explicitly invite them personally. They think nobody wants to hear their opinions or acknowledge their presence.
They undermine the power of their social roles, largely because loneliness and exclusion are what they were taught to expect. They’re more hypervigilant to social “threats,” as a study from the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology explains, and the potential that they’ll be excluded, even when they’re operating from a biased place.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.